Marriage Husband & Wife Make it Last

Many people go into marriage with a lot of misconceptions about what it really takes to have a lasting relationship. And as a result, they are having trouble in their marriages. This is why it is always good to get advice from people that have been tried and tested, especially when it comes to things like marriage. In the pages below, we have provided you some very good advice from couples that have been married for over 50 years! Their advice tells us that marriage is not exactly what a lot of us thought it was:

Winning is Losing

Colbert J King has been married to his wife Gwendolyn for over 51 years now. And he shared the following about his marriage in an article that he wrote for the Washington Post:

“First of all, I learned that winning was losing. If winning led to unhappiness, then, at the end of the day, I was unhappy. That’s because Gwen’s happiness, to borrow a thought, was essential to my own.

Put another way, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.””

We’ve said this countless times on the site.  If you are focused on being right and if you are focused on proving your point, then you need to check yourself.  Your true focus should be on resolving any issue or problem in a manner that is best for you as a couple.

The Wedding Day is not the Apex of Your Relationship: It’s the Start of Your Journey Together

Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee realized that being married is a long process, a journey. You are not going to know everything about yourself or your spouse at the beginning of your marriage. You both will have a lot of growing to do together. But you have to stick it out and ride the waves together (the ups and downs…the good and the bad.) Ruby Dee says:

“Unlike the wedding event, that takes place in a day, marriage is a long process that goes on at some level every day for the rest of your life…we have to learn how to live together… I thought I loved you, Ossie, when we got married, but as I see now, I was only in the kindergarten of the proposition. To arrive at love is like working on a double doctorate in the subject of Life.” – Ruby Dee –  With Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together

“Fifty two years being married, there’s been a lot of overcoming! “... There’s been a lot of struggle there. But marriage is everyday. You think you love somebody, but love is an aspiration. Marriage is more than putting up with each other. It’s a growing up together, coming into maturity and seniorhood together. It’s been a journey, a profound learning experience about each other..”

There’s No Big Secret to Being Married Being married for a long time does not require a secret formula or luck.  If you see other couples being happy or staying together, don’t think that they are “special” or “lucky” or, that they have something that you and your spouse could not have.  They are just doing the necessary work to  keep their relationship happy and healthy.  They BOTH are managing it together. (It takes two.)  You will also find that many couples that stay together for a long time attribute it to keeping God at the center of their marriage.

When Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher were asked how did they stay married for over 86 years,  Zelmyra said:
“No secrets,” she says. “There isn’t any secret. It was only God that kept us together.”

You Don’t Have to Forget, But You Must Forgive

Arthur & Ruby Lawrence from Rhode Island, were married for over 73 years. And the best advice that they give young couples is:

“I really don’t know what to give these kind of people (she says jokingly) because some of them don’t really understand how a marriage is suppose to be. How it’s suppose to be. You’re supposed to love one another and do the best you can no matter what happens you’re suppose to keep your love for your husband or wife. I don’t care what they’ve done or do you have to always forgive them. You don’t forget but you have to forgive. You never forget nothing I don’t care what it is. You will always think about it forever but you have to forgive or you want be forgiven.”

Forgiveness will help you to exchange feelings of bitterness, anger and hurt with love. The National Healthy Marriage Institute says:  ”Forgiving and offering a sincere apology are two of the most effective medicines to heal a marriage, although they aren’t always easy to administer.”   And forgiving, does not mean you have to allow someone to run all over you. It just means that you are releasing the resentment and the desire to keep punishing the person for their wrongdoing. You choose to move on towards healing in the relationship.

by:  http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2012/09/4-must-read-tips-from-couples-that-have-been-married-for-over-50-years/5/